Im so tired. Mentally and physically. I guess its quite serious and when i was up on the platform heading to lavender, the thought of just jumping of the platform to end my sad life seems satisfying. I dont have an outlet for me to vent my stress on. I know im emotional, even very emotional i need to change asap. To think that this is just a friendship problem. I think when it comes to having an relationship, i would have just ended my life entirely.

No offence to my friends, i just need to vent

Yes i have friends, yes best ones. But do they help? No. When i text them, hoping for some reassurance, or something that just makes me feel better, they either text with lol or any other lame shit, or worst still nothing at all. Whats the point? Im just tired of trying and trying and the end result is the same.

I cant tell my mum like i always do, since that friend my mine is my mum's favourite. If i were to tell and she knows them personally, it will not be mending the fences, maybe i will be more pissed.

Im hungry. But i cant eat now since its already 10pm. This will make me fat so i cant eat it. Can someone just help me end this sad life?

Never in my life i felt so vulnerable. I guess its just part and parcel life. I hate words with end this. I hate my impulsiveness. i just hate my life. Is there any day that i will do things the right way and not regret it thereafter? I guess not. My results stinks. I dont understand and single shit about maths and my ear is infected. Great.

For the first time, a doctor actually ask me not to swim for 2weeks. haha. Joke. I was so used to ear infection that i dont know why it became so serious and i had to leave sch to see a doctor. Now im stuck with the medicine that i loathe the most. Nosespray. Gosh, it really hurts that stupid thing. Imagine, how painful it can be that it can in scripted in my mind when the last time i had to use it was primary 5. Great. and im supposed to bring this to turkey too.

Speaking of turkey, hahahah! Brandon is going there too but its just on a different day. We are like 4 days apart. Hahaha for the first time of my life, someone i know is going the same place as i am coincidently! hahahahaha.

I finally found my dress. -.- I couldnt find it cos all along i thought my dress was green colour. -.- it turns out to but white+blue hahahah. Yeah when i was in Ion i saw tons of stuff that is similar to the ones my mother and i bought while we were in germany. Hahaha. Singapore fashion is really one year lag compared to the european countries. Hehe. THats why i rarely shop in singapore. But ive to admit that there are some great stores in sg that i love :) Ps. My aunt just told me that sketchers is in singapore! I find it lame since it was here then gone and back again. Besides its very expensive here, bloodsuckers.

I wished i went to my grandmother's place that night. I would have missed that message.

Ive been swearing alot lately. I guess its the weather (lame excuse) and its not good. I dont like people who swear but yet im doing it. Great gen control. So please no more surprises that make me crashed out of my safety zone. Please. Ive fixed my mind and feelings so no more. I cannot take another shit.

Time for gym yeah:)

{edit}
Went to gym and it was awesome :) Been ages since i last went and i saw many familiar faces. heh. was a gym nut back 2 years ago and then i stopped gymming all together. I really admire their perseverance. Now i have to admit, gym is not just a sport, it can be treated as a relationship as in order to be fit and healthy you need commitment.

The book i read while gymming was great, but it wasnt as awesome as her first book. thats a must read! :) But still, i enjoyed it tremendously! Its Practice makes perfect by Juile James. Her first novel is Just the sexist man alive. :)

My favourite quote from the book :
Barbie dolls were sexist. ("Look at her vacant expression, Barbie doesnt care about anything other than shopping.") Fairy tales-- in fact, most of children's literature were also sexist. ("Look at the message in these picture book, that beauty is the only important quality of a woman.") Even Disney movies were the enemy. (" I know that Lisa's mother lets her watch Cinderella, Lisa's mother obviously has no problem teaching her daughter that women must wait passively for a man to bring meaning to their pathetically lonely lives.")

AWESOME RIGHT. :)

Today was doomsday. Never have i felt so scared before, so worried, filled with anxiety x1000. And this is just a school exam, i think i will have a heart attack when the real deal comes. Theres nothing much to comment about since im not exactly proud of it or ashamed of it. I was just sian diao when i look at my results and mr sng said i did well -.- I had a similar study method for maths and chem and it seems it only worked in maths and my chem is like -.- I know i have some flaws like memorising the answers which i know i have to change as it will only enable to achieve a pass not A. So gen wake up and change your study method. Well, some was expected while one was unexpected. :)

For those taking subpapers! Gen will pei you and study during the dec holidays! till 12dec where i head of to turkey and dubai:)

Im not skating. I dont know why. Maybe im just too tired of faking and acting friendly and stuff when im obviously not a outspoken person who will chit chat long with people im not close with. This is what i feel when i go skating. Its like primary school all over again. Have to make friends, act you like them or act happy mood when you are not just not to get other unnecessary problems. Im not like that and i tried to be like that. It backfired and im not going to go in into this shit politics anymore. Its mentally tiring.

Tml i will hear people hao lian-ing their results like i should have gotten an A or sth. Seriously just stop it.

mind in a whirl.